Friday 14 April 2017

Television: 'The Bionic Woman: The Bionic Dog, Part One' (1977) (Episode 3x01)

At some point in time, it no longer became palatable for people to make television like this. We diverged from one of the nicer timelines, where heartfeltness could function without schmaltz, and lost the opportunity to make 'The Bionic Woman'. It's quite the shame. 'The Bionic Woman' and 'The Six Million Dollar Man' have escaped any serious mentions to date here at the Quirky Muffin, but they are actually pretty important and very fun, especially the former.

'The Bionic Woman' was the spin-off with the evident heart, partly because Lindsay Wagner was a far far more emotive performer than Lee Majors, and also because it was developed by Kenneth Johnson, who deliberately intended to give the show a softer touch. Now, Lee Majors could do softer if he wanted, but he was only rarely given the chance. He was mostly wasted on 'The Six Million Dollar Man', but we'll get back to that at a later date.

In 'The Bionic Dog' (Part One!), Jaime discovers that the first bionic guinea pig was actually a dog called Max, who is being secretly kept locked up for reasons which can only be called dumb. Rudy, the genius inventor of bionics, is idiotically convinced that Max's upgrades are failing and that the dog will have to be put down and examined post-mortem. Jaime takes umbrage, and works with Max to lift him out of his depression, which is OBVIOUSLY because he has been penned up for four years. Obviously! It's amazing how dumb genius scientists can be. Sheesh. Finally, Rudy is so pigheaded he doesn't believe in any progress, so the new Bionic Duo escape and run away to live another day. They will win out in part two, we hope.

It was a different time, and one to which it would be nice to return in the future. If ever there were good reason to build up a television archive, this is it. You can go back and watch the comparatively naive shows from past times, shows which can be shared pretty much universally, and enjoy not being offended or whacked about the head with cynicism and despair. This is a near classical example, of which I should probably be ashamed, but being an admitted sentimental simpleton has its advantages. By all the modern rules, it should be impossible to have an episode of television where a woman befriends a dog, and spends lots of time running with him or worriedly sleeping next to his cage. The modern rules are plainly wrong.

Go, Max, go! This may be the final season, but you've given it a good start!

O.

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